So 2 years sounds like a long time but once you throw in healing , crying , frustration, and all out confusing. You see how that time isn’t long at all. Considering you’ve transformed into a different person in some ways good and overbearing in others. You still have that soft spot. Not necessarily speaking from a physical standpoint but rebuilding how to communicate without a brick wall.
I’ve tried to date and after speaking with other survivors who were off the market for 10 plus years , my little 4 years off the market shouldn’t be a crippling swing to get back into. BUT IT HAS BEEN !!!! From overthinking to not being sure if I’m even worth loving again. Which may sound silly but coming from what I know it’s a serious feeling.
Spend so much time researching and educating myself on my trauma , and wanting to avoid it again. That sometimes dating seems like a trap. Although again at moments where I miss companionship. I know better to project my pain so it’s conflicting. Do I share my space or not ? Is that or was that a red flag or not ? Is he going to try to control me or not? And because I don’t have those answers I know I’m not ready.
Truly having peace is my goal and finding it within myself has been the priority. In the same breath I say hello , I’ll say goodbye. What’s the point of healing from something just to return to it in the form of another human. Lately it’s been this cycle of the same old mess. Talking stage and then nothing. Which is only a let down if I was feeling the person. No matter how much I’m feeling a person one wrong move and I’m absent. My forgiveness meter is still broken. I mean I know how to forgive but I also know how to excuse myself.
Just hope “Mr.Right” doesn’t come in the middle of me trying to “play it safe”. Time will tell. Dating sucks nonetheless. Thanks for reading. Have you tried dating after DV ? How was it ? Good or Bad ?
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